Dear Salina and Marina,

This summer, I met someone. I’ve never fallen for anyone as hard and as quickly.

We travelled around together, confessed our feelings to each other. Three weeks in, I’m

taking her to my hometown. She is the first girl I have ever introduced to my parents. I got

really close with her parents too. We were in love or at least I thought so.

It all changed when summer ended. The moment I saw her stuffing the jacket I gifted her into

my postbox, I knew she wanted it to be over. I ran to the airport and took the first flight home.

I felt like my heart was being put through a meat grinder. I couldn’t understand how it had

ended so quickly. How I processed this heartbreak back home made a lot of my friends

concerned. I was crying so much and found myself turning to strong spirits to numb the pain.

I’m still trying to make sense of things now.

I feel like maybe I rushed the relationship. That it was my sheer impatience in love that made

things fizzle out. The quicker something sky rockets, the more painful the fall becomes. I

can’t help but be confused. Do I need to take things slower in future? Or was I painfully led

on by a noncommittal liar? How can I get over this girl and find someone who won’t

disappear after the golden days of summer?

Any advice is appreciated,

A puzzled reader.

Dearest Reader,

Looking out at the cold snow currently blanketing Stockholm, I can't help being reminded of

the beautiful, easy Summer days where the air is filled with enrapturing warmth and the buzz

of passionate potential. Yet these hot, heavy days often become a minefield for the kind of

rushed, intense relationships that define the ill-fated summer romance: where two

incompatible people with very different love styles and personalities, blinded by the sunny

weather, end up on a deceptive rollercoaster relationship fated to end at the drop of the first

leaf.

But you aren't Sandy from Grease. You shouldn’t have to change yourself or your loving

style to a crazy perm and black leather just to be the one that someone wants (or even

needs, yes indeed). So, while you may feel a little lost and lied to in love, know that this

wasn’t meant to be and there is someone out there who truly is worthy of your time and

connection.

Nevertheless, your experience flags the importance of staying cautious, reflective and

gradual in those risky early stages of dating. When we like someone, and get what we feel is

the same energy back from them, it can be easy to move with the force of a F1 driver on

steroids. Yet what we (and F1 drivers on steroids) often forget is that good things

unfortunately do often take time. It’s like trying to build the pyramids on a pinhead: to reach

the peak, you need a nice, wide, stable relationship base or this not-so-ancient romance will

quickly start crumbling down.

It may feel like her heart switched up quicker than a kangaroo doing hurdles, but people

don’t just change overnight. This shift was symptomatic of subtle but crucial mismatches left

unnoticed that, without being addressed, grew slowly more unavoidable everyday. Her

sudden and wordless call of quits suggests that your relationship goals and styles were

misaligned. Moving as quick as you were, it was only a matter of time before the unresolved

holes gave way.

While I’m not suggesting you surgically dissect the past with a pickaxe and pliers to work out

what went wrong, I am suggesting that you take this as a future sign. Move a little slower.

We are young. Love and the right person is not a race.

Even if someone is ready to hurtle down lovers lane with you, make sure to use the breaks.

Often the ones ready to travel to the end of the lane straight away are the people with the

car door slightly ajar, ready to hop out the quickest when a crash is on the way.

Don’t look for those thrill seekers, look for the people who want to enjoy the view and the

company. Those are the ones who will make it safely to the end.

Save love at first sight for the movies and hold back on big emotions and milestones till a

few, consistent months in, when their true colours will start to show. If those colours don’t

stay green and rot to a crusty brown leaf by the time summer is over, don't beat yourself up,

keep your roots deep, stay luscious, green and enjoy the view.

best of luck in the future,

as always, take us with a pinch of SSE salt,

Yours always,

Marina and Salina xxx