When I was watching Netflix’s series Adolescence, I was immediately struck by the deep and raw portrayal of young men's emotional struggles, their incredibly fragile self-esteem, and what cruelty and violence isolation, and incel culture can lead to. What Adolescence critiques, and what society urgently needs to confront, is how some men allow their

loneliness to metastasize into entitlement, misogyny, and, at times, violence. Adolescence offers a whole assortment of how misogyny can be expressed even by young boys. Not only did Eddie kill a girl over rejection, but also treated female investigators and psychologists with no respect whatsoever. He does not admit his fault up until the very end, perhaps, because he sees nothing wrong with his actions as the girl in his eyes, is no equal to him. 

In recent years, media narratives have popularized the notion of a "male loneliness epidemic." At first glance, this framing seems compassionate, an acknowledgment of men's emotional suffering in a world that socializes them into emotional stoicism. Boys don’t cry, be a real man! However, the idea of a male-specific loneliness epidemic does not hold up under scrutiny. Surveys, such as the Pew Research Center’s, show that women report loneliness at rates nearly identical to men. Loneliness is not a male affliction; it is a human one.

Why then has the loneliness of men become a spectacle, while women's loneliness remains invisible? Well, one part of the answer lies in what emerges from male loneliness: misplaced blame directed outward, particularly toward women, rather than inward toward societal norms of masculinity (placed on men through patriarchy) that inhibit emotional intimacy.

This distortion becomes most evident in the "incel" (involuntarily celibate) subculture. According to research funded by the UK Home Office, self-identified incels display disturbingly high levels of anger, misogyny, and victimhood. While mental health issues such as depression and suicidal ideation are rampant among incels, the most dangerous aspect is not merely their pain it is their belief that women owe them salvation. It's the overall anger at all women for not being theirs. The government report revealed that 5% of incel respondents believed violence against perceived enemies was "often" justified, and about a quarter said it was at least "sometimes" justified. Ah, so if a woman does not want you, the best you can do is beat her? I would personally treat her with care, respect for her independence and boundaries, and kindness, but what do I know… (I’ll steal your girl, incel)

In the world of Adolescence, viewers can recognize the seeds of this mindset: young man yearning for connection but paralyzed by fear and pride. However, while what happens on the screen is not based on a real case, real-world incel forums simmer with entitlement and hatred as well as occasional calls for violent actions.

Tove Linderoth’s thesis from Lund University, which explores incel violence through a feminist lens, further illuminates this pathology. American counterterrorism policies largely ignore misogynist violence, focusing instead on threats like Islamist extremism and white supremacy. Those threats are self-evidently important, however gender based violence actually is a lot more common. Violence flourishes in silence. This silence reinforces the invisibility of gender-based violence as a legitimate security threat, a critical omission considering that incel-related attacks have left a growing body count (something incels cannot achieve without having a girl at gunpoint).

The failure to take incel violence seriously reflects deeper societal blind spots, expertly dissected in Carole Pateman's The Sexual Contract (Again, using a paper from my sidequest degree at SU). Pateman argues that traditional social contract theories inherently marginalize women, creating a parallel "sexual contract" that legitimizes men's access to women's bodies. In this framework, marriage, and by extension prostitution, are seen not as mutual agreements, but as patriarchal structures that commodify women. Prostitution, in particular, normalizes the transactional view that women’s bodies are available for male consumption, a view echoed disturbingly in incel ideology.

Many incels advocate for the legalization or expansion of prostitution as a "solution" to their involuntary celibacy. This perspective reveals the crux of the issue: the belief that sexual access to women is not a privilege of mutual consent, but a male right. One that society or women themselves have cruelly withheld. Rather than confronting their own emotional stuntedness or the toxic masculinity that isolates them, they externalize blame, demanding that women "fix" their pain.

And speaking of fragile masculinity — it’s always hilarious how the guys who spit out the most derogatory “jokes” about women suddenly crumble the second you fire one back. One sarcastic comment and it's like you kicked a puppy. These self-proclaimed "alpha males" act like they're built different — until they’re crying and screaming out loud because a woman dared to have a sharper tongue. So, before you start sobbing because a girl made a joke about your tiny dick, consider the fact that for her to insult it, she had to notice it first. You're welcome, I guess? Fragile masculinity isn't just real; it's practically a lifestyle brand at this point. 

In Adolescence, a young boy faces rejection and responds to it with violence, as if a girl not wanting him back makes her an enemy deserving of death. Series does not romanticize bitterness or entitlement; it portrays growth as a painful, personal journey, not something that can be demanded from others. The show subtly highlights what incels fail to grasp: connection, love, and mutual consent cannot be coerced. Love, friendship, and intimacy require vulnerability, respect, and self-awareness — qualities incompatible with entitlement.

The framing of loneliness as an epidemic unique to men also overlooks that women are socialized from a young age to cultivate emotional resilience. Female friendships often emphasize emotional sharing, support, and empathy. Men, meanwhile, are frequently discouraged from vulnerability, creating emotional desserts that they expect romantic partners to irrigate. This is deeply rooted in patriarchy and should not act as an excuse for men to feel entitled to woman’s emotional labour.

When male loneliness becomes weaponized into resentment, it has real-world consequences. The Guardian's reporting on the UK government study highlights that the mental health crises among incels are exacerbated by their immersion in misogynistic online communities. Here, anger is stoked, victimhood is valorized, and fantasies of retribution take root.

Yet the path forward is not simply punitive. While some advocate counterterrorism approaches to incel violence, the researchers suggest a more nuanced strategy: address the underlying mental health issues, disrupt the echo chambers of entitlement, and challenge the gender norms that alienate men from emotional connection.

It is not enough to tell young men to "toughen up" or to "man up." Nor is it enough to offer them prostitutes as a balm for their loneliness. As Pateman warns, institutionalizing the commodification of women's bodies only reinforces the toxic belief that women exist for men's benefit. True healing demands a cultural shift: teaching boys and young men that vulnerability is strength, that connection requires effort and empathy, and that women are not prizes to be won or services to be purchased. 

Incel culture is a retreat into bitterness, a refusal to grow, and a demand that the world, particularly women, compensate for their emotional immaturity. So did Eddie think, that his victim deserved to be killed, he took the so called black pill of nihilism, after the realisation that the red pill did not work. The 80/20 rule is brought up in the series too, the mythical rule from the incel community that assumes that 80% of women are having sex with 20% of men. That, in their logic, means that the remaining 80% of “nice guys” have to fight for the remaining 20% of girls. Those remaining 20% of girls aren’t Stacys (hyperfemenine, submissive, 10/10 by looks women) though! They are Beckys (feminist, dominant, proactive) and that is not what an insecure boy in parent’s basement wants. Deep down, he wants to be a Chad (masculine, attractive man) and date Stacy, but does absolutely nothing for it besides complaining. As a society, we must reject narratives that excuse misogyny under the guise of loneliness and instead champion models of masculinity that embrace vulnerability, mutual respect, and emotional courage.

Loneliness is real. Pain is real. But entitlement is a choice and it is a dangerous one. It is time we stop offering sympathy to those who choose hatred over healing, and start building a culture where loneliness is accompnied not with violence, but with understanding and accountability.

Final thoughts: Maybe instead of demanding state-sponsored girlfriends, incels should demand state-sponsored therapy. Preferably yesterday. They say 'nice guys finish last,' but here I am, finishing first, second, and third just by treating women with decency. Maybe it's not niceness holding them back. Maybe it’s just... everything else.